Some random thought led me to wonder why I act like such a kid around my friends, to the point where I'm taken to be stupid or can't be taken seriously. But then again I think it's just the connotations people have of me ever since High School. Point is, being around friends do make one feel younger and just unleash this whole childish side of oneself and that can be taken to be of something good.

I use to like gossips ever since elementary, but to some extent, it's okay but beyond that it's bad. and I know I've crossed the lines quite a bit. But now I like to believe I don't any more, and rather learned to keep things to myself. It's not a comfortable feeling knowing something 'cool' and not tell anyone about it but have some discipline, knowing something that needs to be done (i.e. keep your mouth shut) even though you don't want to. So yeah, I think my mind did grow a bit over the years but probably not to an adult mindset yet. Maybe after I get a job and learn how to balance things in life can my mind grow more adult-y more.

Cause I remember asking my Dad if he'd let me move out to the city (he doesn't have any right to tell me not to but I asked anyway) and he was like just wait until you're in your 4th year or after that, that's when you think more like an adult. Back then I thought what difference is there between how my brain thinks and an adult, I was 18 wasn't I? But being 18 and legally being an adult doesn't mean I viewed things like one.

Like how I got my first motorbike just because I want to and I have the money. Now I'd rather a car. So I think I'm going to sell my bike probably by the beginning of next year. I just want to get my green's by the end of this year and drive people around to see how that feels. If it's not that awesome then yeah, plan is to sell my bike and get a car. But then I don't want a 1989 integra anymore, I want something relatively up to date. Anything over the year 2000 would be okay.

But to get anything decent to my taste, I need to start working. Which means I need a job and if I'm that desperate, last resort is working at Maccas or any other fast food. You see I'm so against working at those places, it's just one of my set goals: to not work at any fast food because so many people start off there. I want my first job to be somewhere and somewhat different to other people. But then with this thought, it just renders my looking-for-job-list even more difficult.

Now I see it. Another downside of me is me wanting to be so different from social norms. I would want this to be this way or that way that I never do realize how much I'm limiting my choices in life by thinking thoughts like this. I should really just go with the flow and take what I can get. It's like my bike, thinking it's cool and none of my friends have it, I just went and bought it. Even though it is cool and pretty convenient, for my living condition - owning a car is so much better. I mean a motorbike is like a toy, something that I don't really have the luxury for.

Holy shit, I was just thinking about the first paragraph before I started this post and then shoop, I just wrote out what I literally thought. Kinda funny aha